Coward

"Good things come to those who wait. Great things come to those who go get it" -J.Lau

I'm really good at keeping busy. I feel uncomfortable any other way. Now the question is do I excel at everything I do? I do not! I am ver ambitious, very competitive. I usually do good in everything I do. I'm a winner. A second place winner.

Yes I said it. Most important is to be honest with yourself. Look at yourself with the same unforgiving & scrutinizing eyes you look upon another. That's negative you say? That's depressing you think? So sad? Au'contraire my friend! It is the kindest thing you can do for yourself! The world is not going to be kind & pity you! It will be harsh! If you plan to succeed, to play the game of life, you must be harsh too! Be harsh to others & be harsh to yourself! You may be saying "What the hell is she talking bout?" Let me explain further! When I say be harsh, I don't mean to scream in someones face or sit there & tell someone they are ugly, fat, skeleton looking, a bitch, stank, etc. I mean to look at them within yourself, observe them. Notice their flaws, their crooked nose or teeth, their consistent bad breath, their acne, eczema, big lips, petruding eyes, you get the picture. Then look into their eyes, here their voice & laughter, and forgive them. Forgive them for being angry for all disapproval they have received. Forgive them for being selfish & looking out for their own happiness after learning that no one would consider their feelings & call them names. Forgive their lack of education on the vanitied of society. Now look at them again. Notice the happiness in their laughter. Notice their will to face the world one more day. Their desire to be accepted, loved, desired. Notice their insecurities on their flaws. Their cowardness to change what has been given to them because of the lack of nurturing, encoragement &, opportunities they have received. Appreciate that despite the harsh reality of life they continue. Listen to people, a stranger, a friend, an aquaintence attentively & hear their soul. The beat of their hearts that beat at the same rythm.

For you, you must be honest in the same way! Sit alone in front of a long mirror. Look at your body, look at you face! Be completely & utterly honest! "My thighs are big. I look like a bag of fat. I'm hairy. My coochie always smells. My teeth are croocked. My nose is big. My face is pretty. I have a sexy booty. A cute mouth. Crooked toes. Cellulite village. Etc.." Why? What's the point in beating yourself down? Because the world does! Everyone looks at you with unforgiving eyes and make judgements. Place you in categories that define your worth. And so you must know where that puts you. Know at what level you are starting at so you can knock em down!! Know your weaknesses, attack them! Learn how to make them an asset. Exemplify your strengths & back them up w/ iron confidence.

The world of money is about selling yourself & that is fueled by confidence. Success is possible to all as long as you claim it & make it your bitch!

So why am I a second place winner? Because I am guilty of getting too comfortable. I do just enough to get by. I know that I can do more, do better. I have confidence, but not enough to make me #1. I'm working on it tho! You work on you! Promise? Not to me, to you!

Shadows

In a dark mood...part of the job
to own and exemplify the traces of sin unspoken
your dont's embedded encryptedly cuddling next to the do's
just waiting for the moment to step out of the shadows
waiting for the moment that darkness creeps in
when the sun has set and dawn is far away
the mind starts to wonder
the truth of what you feel seeps in
starts to tear and from your pores plan their escape
sanity mistaken for insane
dispicable naughty thoughts that dare not come to ligh
delight in the mystery of the psyche
seeing validation to this senseless worthlessness
love denied
acid spit opening the gashes to your inner squeals
you squeal
inside just itching to come out
Let it out to play